Purple beauty in a sea of green, red, and yellow.....
Sunday, January 4, 2009
More Interesting Product Lables
Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
Windex: Do not spray in eyes.
Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets.
Bowl Fresh: Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
Endust Duster: This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.
Baby Oil: Keep out of reach of children
Little Ones Baby Lotion: Keep away from children
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use.
Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap.
Stridex Foaming Face Wash: May contain foam.
Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness
Christmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.Bic Lighter Ignite lighter away from face.
Komatsu Floodlight: This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
Earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
Matches Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.
Fix-a-Flat WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.
Rain Gauge: Suitable for outdoor use.
RCA Television Remote Control: Not Dishwasher Safe
Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire
Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption
Home Depot Treated Lumber: Do not consume
Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
Road Sign: Caution water on road during rain.
Camera: This camera will only work when film is inside.
Road Sign Cemetery Road: Dead End
Church Parking Lot Sign: Thou shalt not park
Silk Soy Milk: Shake well and buy often
Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Slush Puppy Cup: This ice may be cold
American Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap.
Swanson TV Dinners: This product must be cooked before eating.
Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts
Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food
Beach Ball CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.
Chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
Bottle of shampoo for dogs Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
Curling IronWarning: This product can burn eyes.
Hair Dryer: Do not use in shower: Do not use while sleeping.
Hand-held Massaging Device: Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.
Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket: Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.
A toilet at a public sports facility: Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.
Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists: Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
Container of Underarm Deodorant: Caution: Do not spray in eyes.
Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter: Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.
Toner cartridge for a laser printer: Do not eat toner.
13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow: Not intended for highway use.
Can of self-defense pepper spray: May irritate eyes.
Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock": Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.
A frisbeeWarning: May contain small parts.
A toilet bowl cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
A birthday card for a 1 year old: Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.
Heated seat cushionWarning: Do not use on eyes.
Windex: Do not spray in eyes.
Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets.
Bowl Fresh: Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
Endust Duster: This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.
Baby Oil: Keep out of reach of children
Little Ones Baby Lotion: Keep away from children
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use.
Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap.
Stridex Foaming Face Wash: May contain foam.
Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness
Christmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.Bic Lighter Ignite lighter away from face.
Komatsu Floodlight: This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
Earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
Matches Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.
Fix-a-Flat WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.
Rain Gauge: Suitable for outdoor use.
RCA Television Remote Control: Not Dishwasher Safe
Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire
Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption
Home Depot Treated Lumber: Do not consume
Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
Road Sign: Caution water on road during rain.
Camera: This camera will only work when film is inside.
Road Sign Cemetery Road: Dead End
Church Parking Lot Sign: Thou shalt not park
Silk Soy Milk: Shake well and buy often
Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Slush Puppy Cup: This ice may be cold
American Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap.
Swanson TV Dinners: This product must be cooked before eating.
Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts
Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food
Beach Ball CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.
Chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
Bottle of shampoo for dogs Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
Curling IronWarning: This product can burn eyes.
Hair Dryer: Do not use in shower: Do not use while sleeping.
Hand-held Massaging Device: Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.
Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket: Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.
A toilet at a public sports facility: Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.
Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists: Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
Container of Underarm Deodorant: Caution: Do not spray in eyes.
Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter: Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.
Toner cartridge for a laser printer: Do not eat toner.
13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow: Not intended for highway use.
Can of self-defense pepper spray: May irritate eyes.
Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock": Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.
A frisbeeWarning: May contain small parts.
A toilet bowl cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
A birthday card for a 1 year old: Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.
Heated seat cushionWarning: Do not use on eyes.
Interesting Product Labels
In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.(The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.(And that would be how?)
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.(Too late! You lose!)
14. On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.(Are you sure? Let's experiment)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.(As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.(Now I'm curious.)
18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.(Really?)
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.(I'm glad they cleared that up)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners -SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron -DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nightly sleep aid -WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.(Duh!)
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.(The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.(And that would be how?)
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.(Too late! You lose!)
14. On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.(Are you sure? Let's experiment)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.(As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.(Now I'm curious.)
18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.(Really?)
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.(I'm glad they cleared that up)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners -SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron -DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nightly sleep aid -WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.(Duh!)
Pet Peeves!!
I found this wonderful little website with a categorized listed of pet peeves that I felt I must repost. I agree with so many of them.
Against My Religion (Miscellaneous)
Grocery carts with one bad wheel or any other non-working parts
The saying "You've no need to worry if you're not doing anything wrong."
Turning on a bedside light w/o warning, thus ensuring a victim's pupils are fully dialated
Saying "Let there be light" every time any light switch is flipped anywhere
Referring to any agency of national government as 'the fed'
Collections of used paper grocery sacks or roadmaps that aren't all folded correctly
The idea that sibs share 50% of their genes, when we actually share 98% with apes
Utility service reps that don't show up on the day appointed, even with an 8 hr window
Essays that begin in this way: "According to Webster..."
Ruining one's shoes by walking on the backs of them
Advertising Pet Peeves
The radio whine of Blue Diamond Almonds "One can a week is all we ask."
Paul Harvey's crappola about how a certain cleaning product was invented by a man!
Rolaids' disclaimer: "Lab results may not correlate with symptom relief."
"Ask your doctor if drug X is right for you" without any further hint
Difficult People Pet Peeves
Explanations beginning with the word 'Again'
The expression that "Nobody can hurt you unless you let them."
Mumbling, then annoyedly saying "Forget it!" when people naturally don't hear
When anyone thinks their "don't remember" might trump my "do remember"
When anyone thinks my "don't remember" is an affront to their "do remember"
Weedling a promise out of someone while they're trying to be left alone to sleep
Asking "Do you suggest ___?" Where the blank is clearly something not suggested
Anyone who follows a peer around making inconsequential "corrections" to their work
Thinking that one has the only correct background for understanding an issue
Purposefully mangling someone's name or handle as a form of ridicule, eg. Klinton
Anybody showing up more than an hour late when I've cooked a very fancy meal
Shouting "drop it" the moment a conversation veers into an unwanted direction.
Travel Pet Peeves
Rolling suitcases with too narrow a wheelbase. Backwards clothes hangers.
Bathroom stalls with a mirror positioned so one can see their whole self while seated
Pants with waistband buttons pointing inward
Airline speak: "The lavatories ARE equipped with smoke detectors, so DO refrain..."
Not knowing if you've taken two pictures with a camera or there are just two left
Being expected to carry something (esp water) for someone who won't carry a purse
Failing to take a backpack into account when turning or backing into people
Mealtime Pet Peeves
Restaurant forks whose tines don't stand up in a perfectly straight line
Using a napkin for eating messy food & leaving it on the table throughout the meal
Cooks that don't clean up as they go
Touching the salt or pepper shaker with really greasy or BBQ'y fingers
Housekeeping Pet Peeves
Greeting cards that throw sparkles, sequins or confetti on the hapless recipient
Setting dirty dishes on top of dirtier ones, thus dirty hands for the dish wash person
Installing a toilet paper roll so that the tissue unwaps from the under side of the roll
Using the TP down to the last ten squares without fetching a new roll
Finding a shoe anywhere and finding its mate not right next to it
A habit of tossing dirty cutlery into the side of the sink where the disposal lives
Finding same brand replacement parts for grocery store tools, eg. mop heads Products with 'Advance' in their name, instead of 'Advanced'
Towels folded wrong way first, so they won't hang on a rack without first refolding
Filthy, filthy, grimy, dirty keyboards.
Having a drawerful (or more) of unknown cords, transformers, rechargers, adapters...
Hangers... how they get all tangeled with each other
Television Pet Peeves
Changing the TV channel without asking when anyone is clearly watching
Standing in my line of sight to the TV during the last 30 seconds of any show
Finding a TV remote in the car or anywhere else where it couldn't possibly be used
TV shows or ads with doorbells, ringing phones, or alarm clocks.
Automotive Pet Peeves
Car passengers that throw their doors wide open without first checking for obstacles
Car security systems that signal their armed status by honking
That back windows of SUVs are curved to always reflect sun into my eyes
Braille signs at drive through windows
Taking forever to leave a parking space while others are clearly waiting for it
Business driveways that make cars bottom out. Speed bumps.
Radio ads featuring horns, sirens, or people yelling "Look out!"
Big bruisers that get confrontational with the handicapped about their parking space
Sneezing or coughing while driving with a weak bladder
Danger Pet Peeves
Standing in the way of folks wishing to use an escalator, moving sidewalk or doorway
Retail establishments displaying stuff on thin metal sticks hanging at toddler eye level
Leaving sharp or pointy things like scissors, pencils, lego toys in chairs or beds
Keeping books or magazines on the floor, especially in high traffic areas
Swinging a cigarette wildly while making way through a crowd
Giving or getting lethal tools or weapons as gifts, especially for weddings, anniversaries
Offering amonia and bleach for sale side by side on shelves with no lips in quake zones
Thinking of some safety item as a gift then having to get it because, if you don't...
Telephone Pet Peeves
Being put on the speakerphone without warning
The common phone-tree assurance "Your call will be answered in the order received"
Cold call sales reps who refuse to give a name but promise to call back
Businesses that play distracting music while customers are trying to read while on hold
Receiving fundraising calls on behalf of police, firefighters or other public servents
Allowing a phone cord or hair dryer cord to become hopelessly tangled
Cold callers for the "man of the house" leaving no message & saying they'll call back
Retail clerks that ignore the live customer to help one that interrupts via phone
Wrapped for TV
(Did you ever notice that on TV...):
gifts come in separately wrapped box and lid for easy opening
nobody says goodbye before hanging up the phone
when people want to talk behind someone's back they just step away a bit first
arthritis is always referred to as a "minor pain"
there is a disease called "The Heartbreak of Psorisis"
cars are given as gifts, with gigantic bows on top
expository is so transparent
Obnoxious Advertising
Paul Harvey promotes a cleaning product. You see, it all began when Mr. Mom went back into the home. Of course he dreaded the house work. But, like a man, he set about to do something about it. And wonder of wonders if he didn't come up with a miracle. Product X. Yes, it takes a man to invent a cleaning solvent blah blah blah...
Dylsexic Moments
Which comes first in baseball, the top or the botom?
When the door says TUO on it, do you use it or not?
Is it my right eye or my left eye that sees a little bit worse than the other?
Is Daylight Saving Time in the winter or in the summer?
Do I turn clockwise or counter clockwise on my showerhead to get pulsed water?
SOS: dash-dash-dash-dot-dot-dot-dash-dash-dash or vise versa?
Why is "Spring forward; fall back" considered more logical than the reverse?
Rediculous Product Warnings
Here's just a small sample of actual warnings.
On car window reflector: “Remove before driving”
Bag of airline peanuts: "Caution: May Contain Peanuts"
Package of batteries: "Batteries Not Included"
Spear gun: "Do not point directly at face."
Vacuum cleaner hose: "Keep Away From Penis"
Box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product."
Bag of potato chips: "Due to the law of averages, some unbroken chips may accidentally be included in this package."
Restaurant bathroom: "Employees must wash hands before spitting in customers' food"
Ashton Kutcher videos: "May cause nausea, headache or drowsiness."
Box of Miracle-Gro plant food: "Not meant to be used on penis."
Bottle of French dressing: «Apprenez svp à parler une langue étrangère, bâtards américains paresseux.»
Cellular telephones: "Frequent use of this product while driving is encouraged by the American Organ Donor Consortium."
Political campaign speeches: "Any claims or promises are meant as entertainment only and do not represent actual product performance."
ATM machines: "Please Do Not Insert Penis"
Coffins in The Democratic Republic of Congo:
Florida voting ballots: "Not Legally Binding"
The Bill of Rights: "May be modified, suspended or discontinued at any time without notice or liability."
SUV gas caps: "A donation in your name has been forwarded to al-Q'aeda."
ShredCo Industrial Penis Slicer: "Not Recommended for Use on Hot Dogs, Sausages or Cucumbers"
Against My Religion (Miscellaneous)
Grocery carts with one bad wheel or any other non-working parts
The saying "You've no need to worry if you're not doing anything wrong."
Turning on a bedside light w/o warning, thus ensuring a victim's pupils are fully dialated
Saying "Let there be light" every time any light switch is flipped anywhere
Referring to any agency of national government as 'the fed'
Collections of used paper grocery sacks or roadmaps that aren't all folded correctly
The idea that sibs share 50% of their genes, when we actually share 98% with apes
Utility service reps that don't show up on the day appointed, even with an 8 hr window
Essays that begin in this way: "According to Webster..."
Ruining one's shoes by walking on the backs of them
Advertising Pet Peeves
The radio whine of Blue Diamond Almonds "One can a week is all we ask."
Paul Harvey's crappola about how a certain cleaning product was invented by a man!
Rolaids' disclaimer: "Lab results may not correlate with symptom relief."
"Ask your doctor if drug X is right for you" without any further hint
Difficult People Pet Peeves
Explanations beginning with the word 'Again'
The expression that "Nobody can hurt you unless you let them."
Mumbling, then annoyedly saying "Forget it!" when people naturally don't hear
When anyone thinks their "don't remember" might trump my "do remember"
When anyone thinks my "don't remember" is an affront to their "do remember"
Weedling a promise out of someone while they're trying to be left alone to sleep
Asking "Do you suggest ___?" Where the blank is clearly something not suggested
Anyone who follows a peer around making inconsequential "corrections" to their work
Thinking that one has the only correct background for understanding an issue
Purposefully mangling someone's name or handle as a form of ridicule, eg. Klinton
Anybody showing up more than an hour late when I've cooked a very fancy meal
Shouting "drop it" the moment a conversation veers into an unwanted direction.
Travel Pet Peeves
Rolling suitcases with too narrow a wheelbase. Backwards clothes hangers.
Bathroom stalls with a mirror positioned so one can see their whole self while seated
Pants with waistband buttons pointing inward
Airline speak: "The lavatories ARE equipped with smoke detectors, so DO refrain..."
Not knowing if you've taken two pictures with a camera or there are just two left
Being expected to carry something (esp water) for someone who won't carry a purse
Failing to take a backpack into account when turning or backing into people
Mealtime Pet Peeves
Restaurant forks whose tines don't stand up in a perfectly straight line
Using a napkin for eating messy food & leaving it on the table throughout the meal
Cooks that don't clean up as they go
Touching the salt or pepper shaker with really greasy or BBQ'y fingers
Housekeeping Pet Peeves
Greeting cards that throw sparkles, sequins or confetti on the hapless recipient
Setting dirty dishes on top of dirtier ones, thus dirty hands for the dish wash person
Installing a toilet paper roll so that the tissue unwaps from the under side of the roll
Using the TP down to the last ten squares without fetching a new roll
Finding a shoe anywhere and finding its mate not right next to it
A habit of tossing dirty cutlery into the side of the sink where the disposal lives
Finding same brand replacement parts for grocery store tools, eg. mop heads Products with 'Advance' in their name, instead of 'Advanced'
Towels folded wrong way first, so they won't hang on a rack without first refolding
Filthy, filthy, grimy, dirty keyboards.
Having a drawerful (or more) of unknown cords, transformers, rechargers, adapters...
Hangers... how they get all tangeled with each other
Television Pet Peeves
Changing the TV channel without asking when anyone is clearly watching
Standing in my line of sight to the TV during the last 30 seconds of any show
Finding a TV remote in the car or anywhere else where it couldn't possibly be used
TV shows or ads with doorbells, ringing phones, or alarm clocks.
Automotive Pet Peeves
Car passengers that throw their doors wide open without first checking for obstacles
Car security systems that signal their armed status by honking
That back windows of SUVs are curved to always reflect sun into my eyes
Braille signs at drive through windows
Taking forever to leave a parking space while others are clearly waiting for it
Business driveways that make cars bottom out. Speed bumps.
Radio ads featuring horns, sirens, or people yelling "Look out!"
Big bruisers that get confrontational with the handicapped about their parking space
Sneezing or coughing while driving with a weak bladder
Danger Pet Peeves
Standing in the way of folks wishing to use an escalator, moving sidewalk or doorway
Retail establishments displaying stuff on thin metal sticks hanging at toddler eye level
Leaving sharp or pointy things like scissors, pencils, lego toys in chairs or beds
Keeping books or magazines on the floor, especially in high traffic areas
Swinging a cigarette wildly while making way through a crowd
Giving or getting lethal tools or weapons as gifts, especially for weddings, anniversaries
Offering amonia and bleach for sale side by side on shelves with no lips in quake zones
Thinking of some safety item as a gift then having to get it because, if you don't...
Telephone Pet Peeves
Being put on the speakerphone without warning
The common phone-tree assurance "Your call will be answered in the order received"
Cold call sales reps who refuse to give a name but promise to call back
Businesses that play distracting music while customers are trying to read while on hold
Receiving fundraising calls on behalf of police, firefighters or other public servents
Allowing a phone cord or hair dryer cord to become hopelessly tangled
Cold callers for the "man of the house" leaving no message & saying they'll call back
Retail clerks that ignore the live customer to help one that interrupts via phone
Wrapped for TV
(Did you ever notice that on TV...):
gifts come in separately wrapped box and lid for easy opening
nobody says goodbye before hanging up the phone
when people want to talk behind someone's back they just step away a bit first
arthritis is always referred to as a "minor pain"
there is a disease called "The Heartbreak of Psorisis"
cars are given as gifts, with gigantic bows on top
expository is so transparent
Obnoxious Advertising
Paul Harvey promotes a cleaning product. You see, it all began when Mr. Mom went back into the home. Of course he dreaded the house work. But, like a man, he set about to do something about it. And wonder of wonders if he didn't come up with a miracle. Product X. Yes, it takes a man to invent a cleaning solvent blah blah blah...
Dylsexic Moments
Which comes first in baseball, the top or the botom?
When the door says TUO on it, do you use it or not?
Is it my right eye or my left eye that sees a little bit worse than the other?
Is Daylight Saving Time in the winter or in the summer?
Do I turn clockwise or counter clockwise on my showerhead to get pulsed water?
SOS: dash-dash-dash-dot-dot-dot-dash-dash-dash or vise versa?
Why is "Spring forward; fall back" considered more logical than the reverse?
Rediculous Product Warnings
Here's just a small sample of actual warnings.
On car window reflector: “Remove before driving”
Bag of airline peanuts: "Caution: May Contain Peanuts"
Package of batteries: "Batteries Not Included"
Spear gun: "Do not point directly at face."
Vacuum cleaner hose: "Keep Away From Penis"
Box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product."
Bag of potato chips: "Due to the law of averages, some unbroken chips may accidentally be included in this package."
Restaurant bathroom: "Employees must wash hands before spitting in customers' food"
Ashton Kutcher videos: "May cause nausea, headache or drowsiness."
Box of Miracle-Gro plant food: "Not meant to be used on penis."
Bottle of French dressing: «Apprenez svp à parler une langue étrangère, bâtards américains paresseux.»
Cellular telephones: "Frequent use of this product while driving is encouraged by the American Organ Donor Consortium."
Political campaign speeches: "Any claims or promises are meant as entertainment only and do not represent actual product performance."
ATM machines: "Please Do Not Insert Penis"
Coffins in The Democratic Republic of Congo:
Florida voting ballots: "Not Legally Binding"
The Bill of Rights: "May be modified, suspended or discontinued at any time without notice or liability."
SUV gas caps: "A donation in your name has been forwarded to al-Q'aeda."
ShredCo Industrial Penis Slicer: "Not Recommended for Use on Hot Dogs, Sausages or Cucumbers"
Project Aiko - The Fembot
Quoting her maker, Lee Trung (http://www.projectaiko.com)
"Aiko was built in my basement using credit card loans and my entire savings account as funding. One of my dreams is to make Aiko walk and do other house chores. I cannot do this without your donations and support. The donations will go towards new motors, sensors and mainboards to design Aiko’s new arm and leg systems.
Aiko is the first android to react to physical stimuli and mimic pain. This technology could be applied to people born with or who have undergone amputations. Aiko is the first step towards a life-like mechanical limb that has the ability to feel physical sensations.
I started to build Aiko on August 15, 2007. About 1.5 months later Aiko version 1 was completed. Aiko made her first public appearance at the HobbyShow on November 2007 at Toronto International Center, and Ontario Science Center a week later. Aiko is bilingual, she can speak English and Japanese.
Yes, Aiko has silicone in her entire body.
Yes, Aiko has sensors in her body including her prviate parts, and yes even down there.
AND NO I do not sleep with her."
I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT HE FELT HE HAD TO COVER THAT LAST LITTLE BIT.
WAS THAT A DEFENSIVE STATEMENT?
Yaaaaaaawns!!!
Ok, be honest. How many of you had to yawn after looking at this hilariously true scenario? My hand is raised.
Daily Sentiment!
Yep, you guessed it! I'm so sleepy!!!! I think I may have slept about 2 or 3 hours in total last night.
Optical Illusion 19
What do you see? They took something 3-dimensional and morphed it into some kind of 8th dimension mutant.
Optical Illusion 17
What do you see? The border seems to be wavy but if you put a ruler against the lines, or anything straight for that matter, you will find that it is perfectly straight.
Optical Illusion 16
What do you see? The image in the inner circle seems to be moving independent of its enclosing circle.
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