Sunday, January 4, 2009

Pet Peeves!!

I found this wonderful little website with a categorized listed of pet peeves that I felt I must repost. I agree with so many of them.

Against My Religion (Miscellaneous)

Grocery carts with one bad wheel or any other non-working parts
The saying "You've no need to worry if you're not doing anything wrong."
Turning on a bedside light w/o warning, thus ensuring a victim's pupils are fully dialated
Saying "Let there be light" every time any light switch is flipped anywhere
Referring to any agency of national government as 'the fed'
Collections of used paper grocery sacks or roadmaps that aren't all folded correctly
The idea that sibs share 50% of their genes, when we actually share 98% with apes
Utility service reps that don't show up on the day appointed, even with an 8 hr window
Essays that begin in this way: "According to Webster..."
Ruining one's shoes by walking on the backs of them

Advertising Pet Peeves

The radio whine of Blue Diamond Almonds "One can a week is all we ask."
Paul Harvey's crappola about how a certain cleaning product was invented by a man!
Rolaids' disclaimer: "Lab results may not correlate with symptom relief."
"Ask your doctor if drug X is right for you" without any further hint

Difficult People Pet Peeves

Explanations beginning with the word 'Again'
The expression that "Nobody can hurt you unless you let them."
Mumbling, then annoyedly saying "Forget it!" when people naturally don't hear
When anyone thinks their "don't remember" might trump my "do remember"
When anyone thinks my "don't remember" is an affront to their "do remember"
Weedling a promise out of someone while they're trying to be left alone to sleep
Asking "Do you suggest ___?" Where the blank is clearly something not suggested
Anyone who follows a peer around making inconsequential "corrections" to their work
Thinking that one has the only correct background for understanding an issue
Purposefully mangling someone's name or handle as a form of ridicule, eg. Klinton
Anybody showing up more than an hour late when I've cooked a very fancy meal
Shouting "drop it" the moment a conversation veers into an unwanted direction.

Travel Pet Peeves

Rolling suitcases with too narrow a wheelbase. Backwards clothes hangers.
Bathroom stalls with a mirror positioned so one can see their whole self while seated
Pants with waistband buttons pointing inward
Airline speak: "The lavatories ARE equipped with smoke detectors, so DO refrain..."
Not knowing if you've taken two pictures with a camera or there are just two left
Being expected to carry something (esp water) for someone who won't carry a purse
Failing to take a backpack into account when turning or backing into people

Mealtime Pet Peeves

Restaurant forks whose tines don't stand up in a perfectly straight line
Using a napkin for eating messy food & leaving it on the table throughout the meal
Cooks that don't clean up as they go
Touching the salt or pepper shaker with really greasy or BBQ'y fingers

Housekeeping Pet Peeves

Greeting cards that throw sparkles, sequins or confetti on the hapless recipient
Setting dirty dishes on top of dirtier ones, thus dirty hands for the dish wash person
Installing a toilet paper roll so that the tissue unwaps from the under side of the roll
Using the TP down to the last ten squares without fetching a new roll
Finding a shoe anywhere and finding its mate not right next to it
A habit of tossing dirty cutlery into the side of the sink where the disposal lives
Finding same brand replacement parts for grocery store tools, eg. mop heads Products with 'Advance' in their name, instead of 'Advanced'
Towels folded wrong way first, so they won't hang on a rack without first refolding
Filthy, filthy, grimy, dirty keyboards.
Having a drawerful (or more) of unknown cords, transformers, rechargers, adapters...
Hangers... how they get all tangeled with each other

Television Pet Peeves

Changing the TV channel without asking when anyone is clearly watching
Standing in my line of sight to the TV during the last 30 seconds of any show
Finding a TV remote in the car or anywhere else where it couldn't possibly be used
TV shows or ads with doorbells, ringing phones, or alarm clocks.

Automotive Pet Peeves

Car passengers that throw their doors wide open without first checking for obstacles
Car security systems that signal their armed status by honking
That back windows of SUVs are curved to always reflect sun into my eyes
Braille signs at drive through windows
Taking forever to leave a parking space while others are clearly waiting for it
Business driveways that make cars bottom out. Speed bumps.
Radio ads featuring horns, sirens, or people yelling "Look out!"
Big bruisers that get confrontational with the handicapped about their parking space
Sneezing or coughing while driving with a weak bladder

Danger Pet Peeves

Standing in the way of folks wishing to use an escalator, moving sidewalk or doorway
Retail establishments displaying stuff on thin metal sticks hanging at toddler eye level
Leaving sharp or pointy things like scissors, pencils, lego toys in chairs or beds
Keeping books or magazines on the floor, especially in high traffic areas
Swinging a cigarette wildly while making way through a crowd
Giving or getting lethal tools or weapons as gifts, especially for weddings, anniversaries
Offering amonia and bleach for sale side by side on shelves with no lips in quake zones
Thinking of some safety item as a gift then having to get it because, if you don't...

Telephone Pet Peeves

Being put on the speakerphone without warning
The common phone-tree assurance "Your call will be answered in the order received"
Cold call sales reps who refuse to give a name but promise to call back
Businesses that play distracting music while customers are trying to read while on hold
Receiving fundraising calls on behalf of police, firefighters or other public servents
Allowing a phone cord or hair dryer cord to become hopelessly tangled
Cold callers for the "man of the house" leaving no message & saying they'll call back
Retail clerks that ignore the live customer to help one that interrupts via phone

Wrapped for TV
(Did you ever notice that on TV...):

gifts come in separately wrapped box and lid for easy opening
nobody says goodbye before hanging up the phone
when people want to talk behind someone's back they just step away a bit first
arthritis is always referred to as a "minor pain"
there is a disease called "The Heartbreak of Psorisis"
cars are given as gifts, with gigantic bows on top
expository is so transparent

Obnoxious Advertising

Paul Harvey promotes a cleaning product. You see, it all began when Mr. Mom went back into the home. Of course he dreaded the house work. But, like a man, he set about to do something about it. And wonder of wonders if he didn't come up with a miracle. Product X. Yes, it takes a man to invent a cleaning solvent blah blah blah...

Dylsexic Moments

Which comes first in baseball, the top or the botom?
When the door says TUO on it, do you use it or not?
Is it my right eye or my left eye that sees a little bit worse than the other?
Is Daylight Saving Time in the winter or in the summer?
Do I turn clockwise or counter clockwise on my showerhead to get pulsed water?
SOS: dash-dash-dash-dot-dot-dot-dash-dash-dash or vise versa?
Why is "Spring forward; fall back" considered more logical than the reverse?

Rediculous Product Warnings
Here's just a small sample of actual warnings.

On car window reflector: “Remove before driving”

Bag of airline peanuts: "Caution: May Contain Peanuts"

Package of batteries: "Batteries Not Included"

Spear gun: "Do not point directly at face."

Vacuum cleaner hose: "Keep Away From Penis"

Box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product."

Bag of potato chips: "Due to the law of averages, some unbroken chips may accidentally be included in this package."

Restaurant bathroom: "Employees must wash hands before spitting in customers' food"

Ashton Kutcher videos: "May cause nausea, headache or drowsiness."

Box of Miracle-Gro plant food: "Not meant to be used on penis."

Bottle of French dressing: «Apprenez svp à parler une langue étrangère, bâtards américains paresseux.»

Cellular telephones: "Frequent use of this product while driving is encouraged by the American Organ Donor Consortium."

Political campaign speeches: "Any claims or promises are meant as entertainment only and do not represent actual product performance."

ATM machines: "Please Do Not Insert Penis"

Coffins in The Democratic Republic of Congo:

Florida voting ballots: "Not Legally Binding"

The Bill of Rights: "May be modified, suspended or discontinued at any time without notice or liability."

SUV gas caps: "A donation in your name has been forwarded to al-Q'aeda."

ShredCo Industrial Penis Slicer: "Not Recommended for Use on Hot Dogs, Sausages or Cucumbers"

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